How to Win Friends and Influence People
The concepts in this book all seem so obvious once you read them. Common sense for anyone that has ever truly observed the nature of people.
These tactics can be used in genuine relationship building, as well as to manipulate plebs.
There are a lot of anecdotes in every section to show the variety of instances in which the tactics were allegedly used (or could be used for). These example stories make up the majority of the book. I’m only highlighting the rules themselves, and any other tidbits that interested me as I read and noted them with my colored tabs.
There is a time and place for most things. Sometimes there’s cause for all, or some of these tactics. But sometimes you don’t want to “play the game” to get what you want. Sometimes the most satisfying outcome is to tell people to fuck off and make them feel bad, and feel like an idiot because they don’t even deserve your consideration or your ability to play the game just to stroke their ego.
Sometimes nothing is worth manipulating those types of people; it’s better not to let trash feel like they “won” anything.
How to Win Friends and Influence People | Dale Carnegie
“I learned 30 years ago that it is foolish to scold. I have enough trouble overcoming my own limitations without fretting over the fact that god has not seen fit to distribute evenly the gift of intelligence.”
John Wanamaker
Some of the things most people want, include:
- Health and the preservation of life
- Food
- Sleep
- Money and the things money will buy
- Life in the hereafter
- Sexual gratification
- The well-being of our children
- A feeling of importance
Fundamental Techniques in Handling People
-Don’t criticize, condemn, or complain ((to their face))
-Give honest and sincere appreciation
-Arouse in the other person an eager want
Six Ways to Make People Like You
“Action seems to follow the feeling, but really action and feeling go together; and by regulating the action, which is under the more direct control of the will, we can indirectly regulate the feeling, which is not.”
William James
To think rightly is to create.
-Become genuinely interested in other people.
-Smile
-Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
-Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
-Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.
-Make the other person feel important – and do it sincerely.
How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking
“Stop a minute to contrast your keen interest in your own affairs with your mild concern about anything else. Realize then, that everybody else in the world feels exactly the same way.”
Kenneth M. Goode
“A person usually has two reasons for doing a thing: one that sounds good, and a real one.”
J. Pierpont Morgan
-The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
-Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say, “you’re wrong.”
-If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
-Begin in a friendly way.
-Get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately.
-Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
-Let the other person feel that the idea is theirs.
-Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.
-Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.
-Appeal to the (their) “nobler” motives.
-Dramatize your ideas.
-Throw down a challenge.
Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment
“The average person can be led readily if you have their respect and if you show that you respect that person for some kind of ability.”
Samuel Vauclain
If you want to improve a person in a certain respect, act as though that particular trait were already one of their outstanding characteristics.
“Assume a virtue, if you have it not.”
Shakespeare
Give them a fine reputation to live up to, and they will make prodigious efforts rather than see you disillusioned.
-Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
-Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.
-Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
-Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
-Let the other person save face.
-Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement.
-Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
-Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
-Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.
Ava Loreimy 