My problem is I identify with anything I’m good at

For almost 10 years I’ve been a recruiter. That’s the only thing I’ve believed I’m good at.

I say I’m a recruiter like it’s something that I’ve always been and always will be. But maybe that time of my life is over.

It’s hard to think about doing anything else because this has been the most enjoyable and lucrative work I’ve ever done. But maybe the key phrase should be: “so far.”

How do I choose to do something else, when this career fell into my lap randomly, I discovered how easy it was, and I never looked anywhere else?

I know the skill of reading people and situations doesn’t go away. But just because I won’t go by the title anymore or do the work anymore, doesn’t mean I’m not still a talent seer. That’s a talent I’ve always had. Recruitment gave it a shape, though. Talent acquisition oddly gave me a feeling of prestige.

But not doing the work in the context of agency job orders and internal job reqs seems so crazy to me when I’ve done it, and thrived in it for so long.

I hate change. I wonder who I’ll be when my life doesn’t revolve around helping people like this anymore. It’s been my personality for so long.

I’ve helped businesses solve problems by finding them the right talent, and I’ve helped candidates game the system and find work.

But now that I finally feel thoroughly disenchanted by the idea of corporate work and employee life as a whole, I don’t know how I can possibly continue to do this anymore (even though faking enthusiasm for employment has always been at least part of the job). I just don’t have the motivation to “put on the face” anymore.

Maybe it’s not that I’ll never make these connections again, or that I’ll never learn about anything and everything ever again. I know if anyone asked me to find someone, I could do it again. But the context would be so different, that I know it would never be like it used to be. I would never be high on it like I used to be.

Maybe my curiosity for studying absolutely everything about how the world works, and my enjoyment from helping people will find a new way to express itself.

I wonder how I might be pleasantly surprised.