As I took in the beauty of that world one last time, I wondered at all the creative energy that made up this marvelous universe. I sighed, then reached over to put the pill in my mouth, took one last refreshing drink of water to help it down, and I lied back.
Next to me, I pushed play on the tiny speaker. Andrea Bocelli started singing Con Te Partirò.
I smiled up at the trees and the clear sky above me. The birds chirped in the distance. Life would go on for those that remained.
How beautiful it was to have lived. How beautiful to have loved, and been loved so truly. The only thing that had made that physical life bearable.
And in that moment, a rush of knowingness coursed through my body.
The last intuition I would feel in that form: the body’s physiological fear of death – of this great leap into an unknown I couldn’t possibly fathom.
But in all my preparation for that day, I had mentally and emotionally subdued that primal fear. I did nothing to fight it. And my body followed.
I felt the tinge of what my body knew to be the end – the last feeling to be felt – the certainty of my own undoing – only moments away from shutting down entirely.
I took a deep breath and let it out long and slowly as I ran my fingers through the dirt next to me, grabbed fistfuls of it one last time, felt the soft dustiness of earth, and I let it go.
“Time’s finally up,” I smiled.
A waterfall of tears suddenly ran down the outside corners of my eyes. I felt myself momentarily between a laugh and a sob. Looking forward to my family, I said “I love you” one last time with that voice.
They heard it. I felt them pulling me to them in the ethers.
By the final bridge of the song, it seemed that nature all around me had orchestrated a cool breeze, and the rustling of trees just for me. A farewell.
The wind flowing through my hair. A soft sensation on my face.
I smiled so peacefully looking up at the sky, feeling the darkness start to close in around me.
Andrea was singing the final “Io con te” to accompany my last breath.
My eyes fluttered as I drifted away, all tension left my body and I felt my frame relax into the earth.
Weight no longer my own.
I was finally free.
And then I closed my eyes forever.
